Monday, February 18, 2008

What gives?


Where do I begin...seems like I haven't written in ages, and so much has happened.

Well, my mind's in a weird place right now. I don't know, I guess I've been doing some thinking and especially since after my birthday, I've come to some recent conclusions about a lot of things.

I used to be the sort of person where it didn't matter if I didn't see or talk to anyone over a weekend, because I was so busy with my own plans, that I knew sooner or later I'd see the people I care about, and we'd catch up, and all that good stuff. There were a lot of chances in which to catch up to people, something fun to do every other day it seemed. So I never felt the need to really reach out and try to initiate anything with anyone.

But these days I don't get out as much. These days I can't really afford to, since I have this big mortgage and what not. But that's okay, I don't mind having the mortgage, and I don't feel like I'm missing out on activities I could be doing. I've seen tons and tons of bands, many of them several times, so I don't feel like I'm missing out on something I should be doing.
HOWEVER, what really sucks is this whole missing out on people feeling.
I feel like I've really been putting myself out there a lot lately to reach out to certain people, to no avail. People I care about, who are dear to me. It's like they just don't have the time for us anymore? I know things change and we get older and we get busy, but really. I mean, it's the winter time, when things should be a little slower, and we take more time to get from point A to point B...sure it's messier out and it's harder to get around, but I'm just so sick of reaching out to people and getting nothing in return.
I feel lately that everyone's just forgotten about me.
It's hard to say some of this without coming across as sounding selfish. I don't NEED these people's constant attention but it would help if from time to time, a response was given or it felt like an equal friendship.
There's a certain someone or someone (plural) who comes to mind who myself or Matt has tried to reach out to on several occasions only to end up with complete silence on their end.
Several invitations to come over, to hang out, etc. have been extended, and nothing, not even a thank you but no thank you, has been offered. Granted, I know people are busy and I can't expect them to just drop everything for me, but just a couple of words would be nice. Especially because I can count the number of occasions we've been there for these people, for an occasion we've been invited to, or a celebration of some sort.
It just hurts. I can't say anything to anyone's face either, I'm not like that. I just sit and stew in my whatever you want to call it.

Anyway, I digress...I don't know what the deal is lately, but I'm just not feeling completely 100% happy with my situation and I constantly turn around in my head wondering if I've done something to push these people away. I try to be a good person. But maybe what I've been doing is not enough.


Adventures In Babywearing said...

I can't imagine anyone not wanting to hang out with you- oh I am so jealous if only I could have you closer. I would love to see you even if for just a few minutes. Miss you so much, but I totally get what you are saying, too. Hope it turns around.


Michelle Pendergrass said...

You could do everyfreakingthing possible and some people will just be totally oblivious to your actions.

We have this blessing/curse of analyzation and if you couple that with our OCD tendencies--we're a mess. So what we do is intentionally strive to make our actions appealing to those we're trying to please. And we think they should KNOW we're putting forth effort. And reaaly, most people don't spend time a tenth of their time thinking, whereas us--our thoughts are running 24/7. Most people just don't expound that kind of energy.

And like zombies, some people will just suck the life out of you, lick their lips, and move on and most likely come back when you've produced enough blood for their next meal.

The trick is to realize which people are appreciative of your GIFT of time and which ones are in it to make themselves nice and plump off of your lifeblood.

As much as I'd like to keep some people in my life, they're parasites.

Spend your time doing some artsy, spiritual fun stuff that fills your soul. You'll be able to deal better with the bloodsuckers then. :)

Junie said...

Hoh Jen. You're a very special lady. I miss you for sure.

You described that feeling in a really great way. I'm pretty familiar with feeling that way, so I really enjoyed reading this. I hope that when spring comes around people come out of the woodwork and surprise you.

Mimi's Toes said...

Where have I been??? I didn't know you had your own blog...duh! You need to update it girl! LOL...It was great seeing you at the baby shower Sunday. You and Steph have such a bond. Your doggy is so puggalishus...