Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Lately I've been having these thoughts of just not being good enough.
I am guilty of comparing myself to others at times and taking a good hard look at what I'm doing or where I"m going vs. where others may be.
I know everyone's different and I shouldn't do this but sometimes I just can't help it.

A few people I know are pregnant right now as well.
They have names picked out and cribs set up, and rooms all ready. And then there's me.
I want to be like that, so prepared and planned. I usually AM that way. But for some reason I feel like I'm falling behind on so many things. I had no idea there was so much to prepare for and plan for and calls to make and classes to attend and shall I continue?!
It's definitely harder when you have a full time job to do all of this, but I think I manage.
Sometimes though, I compare myself and feel like I'm falling short. I just want to be the best I can at this, and I'm hoping my procrastination and slacker- tendencies is not a sign of things to come.

Last week I attended a seminar on vaccinations. It's the first of several classes I wish to take on childcare, including breastfeeding and the general childbirth classes we will take at the hospital.

I know how many friends feel about vaccinations and their safety, etc. but I just have to know what is right for ME and my child. I walked away from that seminar feeling very prepared for what shots babies receive and when and how much. I don't think I'm going to turn away every vaccine at every chance I get. It might be okay if I was staying at home with the baby all day, keeping her free from harm's way, but that is not the reality that I live in. My child will need to attend day care, and be around other babies and children who may potentially get her sick and vice versa. I struggle with this because I want to do what's right, but I also need to see the bigger picture too. Anyway, I feel that going to this seminar at least gets me up to speed and informs me on what choices I do have, and that was important for me.

I don't know, I guess I've been struggling a lot lately with comparisons and being good enough. One of my cousins who I hardly ever see, unfortunately because we do not live close by, gave me some good advice-she said "Trust your instincts" and "Do what YOU feel is right." I know I needed to hear that, because I need to listen to that inner voice more and know that we are all different, and the way we do things is not all the same. I've been told so many different opinions from various people about what to do and what not to do, and I just can't hear it anymore. (Unless I ask for the advice, LOL!) We can't expect every person we know to be the same, and do things the way we do them, and so I am just going to trust my gut and go with what I feel is right. For EVERY major decision that I have coming up in these next 3 months, and for the rest of my child's pre-adult life.

Sigh. I hope I can do it.