Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Lately I've been having these thoughts of just not being good enough.
I am guilty of comparing myself to others at times and taking a good hard look at what I'm doing or where I"m going vs. where others may be.
I know everyone's different and I shouldn't do this but sometimes I just can't help it.

A few people I know are pregnant right now as well.
They have names picked out and cribs set up, and rooms all ready. And then there's me.
I want to be like that, so prepared and planned. I usually AM that way. But for some reason I feel like I'm falling behind on so many things. I had no idea there was so much to prepare for and plan for and calls to make and classes to attend and shall I continue?!
It's definitely harder when you have a full time job to do all of this, but I think I manage.
Sometimes though, I compare myself and feel like I'm falling short. I just want to be the best I can at this, and I'm hoping my procrastination and slacker- tendencies is not a sign of things to come.

Last week I attended a seminar on vaccinations. It's the first of several classes I wish to take on childcare, including breastfeeding and the general childbirth classes we will take at the hospital.

I know how many friends feel about vaccinations and their safety, etc. but I just have to know what is right for ME and my child. I walked away from that seminar feeling very prepared for what shots babies receive and when and how much. I don't think I'm going to turn away every vaccine at every chance I get. It might be okay if I was staying at home with the baby all day, keeping her free from harm's way, but that is not the reality that I live in. My child will need to attend day care, and be around other babies and children who may potentially get her sick and vice versa. I struggle with this because I want to do what's right, but I also need to see the bigger picture too. Anyway, I feel that going to this seminar at least gets me up to speed and informs me on what choices I do have, and that was important for me.

I don't know, I guess I've been struggling a lot lately with comparisons and being good enough. One of my cousins who I hardly ever see, unfortunately because we do not live close by, gave me some good advice-she said "Trust your instincts" and "Do what YOU feel is right." I know I needed to hear that, because I need to listen to that inner voice more and know that we are all different, and the way we do things is not all the same. I've been told so many different opinions from various people about what to do and what not to do, and I just can't hear it anymore. (Unless I ask for the advice, LOL!) We can't expect every person we know to be the same, and do things the way we do them, and so I am just going to trust my gut and go with what I feel is right. For EVERY major decision that I have coming up in these next 3 months, and for the rest of my child's pre-adult life.

Sigh. I hope I can do it.


Megan said...

If it makes you feel better, I will be 29 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I do not yet have a crib or a name for our little girl or anything, really, prepared. I agree. Trust your instincts. Comparing yourself or your child to someone else or someone else's child will drive you crazy (trust me, I know - I have a 2 year old). If you trust yourself, you'll do wonderfully!

juneann said...

Jen, you're right on the money - just do what you feel is right and trust that the universe or god or whatever! is going to take you through it. Everywhere you turn, you're going to hear advice about parenting. And unfortunately, people LOVE giving unsolicited advice. A smile and a "thank you very much for your concern" is just about all you need unless you ask for advice from someone specific. You and Matt are going to be AMAZING parents. I've always known that!

Adventures In Babywearing said...

You are already lightyears ahead of where I was with my first baby. I didn't learn to trust my instincts until baby number THREE!!!!

You are doing a great job. *I* look at you and think, wow, if I only I was like that when I was first pregnant.

The crib and other stuff doesn't really matter if you think about it. All that matters is the baby. And you know, many people are really good at faking it on the surface.

Was told recently: Stop comparing your insides to other people's outsides.

Everything else, and I mean EVERYTHING ELSE will fall right into place when the time is ready. You just watch.



~michelle pendergrass said...

We put our crib up and Zane never slept a night or a nap in it. So there's that. ;)

And you never get as much advice as when you're pregnant or when you have the baby. Hell, grandma told me I was starving Zane when I brought him to Indiana when he was 6 weeks old. And no one (except your mom) thought breastfeeding was cool. You should have heard the arguments Frank had with me about nursing. (Like he'd know?!)

Put your blinders on and love that baby. That's all you gotta do!

Mimi's Toes said...

When your baby comes you will see how natural things will be and fall into place and the best thing is to trust your instinct. What is right for you might not be right for someone else. That's ok. It's not that important that everything is in place and perfect.

Warden of Chaos said...

I had a mini breakdown right about the 30 week mark with my first, so I think this is just part of it - Will I be good enough? I don't cook or sew or do crafty things. I'm impatient and am cranky in the morning until I have my caffeine. I like to sleep in. I'm so not MOM material.

Then I had him, and none of that mattered. I still hate to cook, can't sew or do crafty things. My hubby cooks the healthy meals, we buy Halloween costumes, and I read with AJ or play games with him instead of creating Easter chicks out of egg cartons. My patience is growing, but not perfect, and I still like to sleep in and need my Diet Coke in the morning.

Being a mom changes a lot of things, but you will still be YOU, and I think the best thing you can teach a child (especially a daughter!) is that being who you are, everyday, is so much more important than any title you'll ever have.

Oh, and our crib wasn't delivered and set up until AJ was 6 weeks old - and he didn't sleep in it until he was a year old.

Erin said...

You will absolutely know what is right for you, I promise.
Just remember that it doesn't matter what someone else does as a parent, because that person is not parenting YOUR child.

Kelly said...

my baby is almost 7mths and I STILL dont have a crib up! Shes so tiny I have kept her in her bassinet! Do you, Jen! If you spend too much time getting caught up in the stuff around you, you will miss out the enjoyment and endless possibilities of the world you and Matt are creating for baby girl! You will NEVER feel caught up, by the way---surrender now!! xoxoxoxoxoxo

Robin said...

you will get a crazy rush to get things done at some point in your pregnancy. Until then, just enjoy every minute. You sound like you are right on track! :)