tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87269527324791270632024-03-13T03:22:12.269-07:00Here. In My Head.Musings about life, love, everyday observations and other miscellaneous things I deem either cool or uncool.Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-90677882540980695112014-08-12T13:29:00.003-07:002014-08-12T13:29:52.022-07:00UpdateSo much to report these days, and seeing how it's been 4 years since I've written anything (yikes!) I thought I'd give an update to anyone still out there.<br />
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Here's what's been happening in our little world lately...<br />
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For the past 3 years we had still been living in our little condo in Chicago, loving life and going out and enjoying our neighborhood every chance we got. We were happy, just the three of us, until after much deliberation and prayer, we decided to see if we could expand our family.<br />
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In late summer of 2013, I became pregnant.<br />
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We found out a few months later that Elise was going to have a baby brother. We were thrilled. The months ticked along until the due date of May 4th. Evan Matthew was born on May 5th, our little Cinco de Mayo baby. All was right with the world.<br />
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Around the time I got pregnant and even before then, we had been looking at the idea of moving to a bigger property, a single family home with a YARD and a garage and more space. We figured we would rent out our condo and move into a bigger property, most likely in Chicago somewhere.<br />
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Well, we searched and we searched (much to the dismay of our realtor) and nothing seemed right. Nothing felt like home. We thought we'd probably have to wait awhile after Evan was born and just get used to the idea of 4 people in a 2 bed/1 bath apartment and make it work until we absolutely HAD to move.<br />
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Then, the shooting happened. In March, 2014, it was Oscar Sunday and we were just getting ready to put Elise to bed and settle down to watch the big event, when I heard some distinct popping sounds outside. Two men were shooting at each other right outside our door, one aiming at the other right towards our building. It was frightening, to say the least. Our neighbor to the north, got a bullet through his living room window, hitting his TV. We knew we could not stay here much longer. I am aware that violence persists anywhere but then I heard of several more instances in our neighborhood of attempted driveby's and men shooting down an alley at each other. This was not something I wanted my family to encounter by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The violence, the need for more space and the hunt for a good high school and a community feel drove us to expand our search outside the city. We ended up finding a home right before I went back to work. It was perfect. We put an offer on it and the offer was accepted.<br />
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Right now, we are in the process of packing, finalizing the loan details and possibly selling our place or renting in the next month or so. It's all happening so fast and I barely have time to blink. If you've never moved with a young baby and a toddler before, it is quite a journey let me tell you.<br />
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The first year of this move will be tough, as the plan is to keep Evan in the daycare he is currently in *and Elise attended* and Elise will go to the Pre-K we registered her for back in February. The good thing is we'll be plenty settled in our new home by the time she has to register for kindergarten so we should be able to feel out which Catholic church we not only want to call home but to send her to for school. In 1st grade, she will be able to start attending the public school out there. Evan will stay in his daycare until I feel comfortable with a new place or meet some people to give me referrals.<br />
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We did get a second car, which is paramount to our plan and I will do the morning commute with the kids for now.<br />
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I am going to miss our old hood terribly, and I can't think about it too much or this hormonal post-partum Mom gets brought to tears. We were invested in this community, the people are so great, there are so many cool restaurants and bars appearing around us...I know we are doing this for the kids and for their benefit and ours, but it doesn't make the change any easier. I have lived in the city for 14 years and leaving it is hard for me. On the plus side, the new home is close to a pool, a library, the Metra and more. We will still have some amenities within walking distance but it will be different than before. And the old hood is only 5 miles away really. It's not THAT far. But it will seem like it when we're there.<br />
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I made a pros and cons list after we made the offer because I was having doubts. Buyer's remorse, so to speak. The pros outweighed the cons and I am trying to focus on that. Focus on being able to have guests over and giving them a place to sleep vs. making them stay in hotels or in our living room. Giving our kids a place to ride their bikes, play outside and explore-the yard thing was huge for us. We don't have one and it seems like every single one of our friends does. It was getting old having to beg them or hope they asked us to come over and play all summer. The noisy upstairs neighbors who threw loud parties (even though they've since moved out) and kept us up at night with their stomping. I won't miss that :)<br />
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All in all, I'm sure things will feel weird at first, but we are moving on and moving up, hoping and praying for a peaceful, happy life in our new home. I know it was the right decision. There are a few things I could have done differently in hindsight, but what's done is done and we'll enjoy it, I just know it. xo<br />
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<br />Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-5238448339075997292010-08-27T06:53:00.000-07:002010-08-27T07:10:23.905-07:00Next steps & moving on....Well, this is the last day of my official non-working life in baby-land.<br />Next week I start working from home, before I officially go back to the office on Sept. 7th. The baby-moon is over :( Real life must now begin.<br /><br />While I have to admit, I HAVE missed going downtown, and the hustle and bustle of it all, I am not thrilled to go back to work, it's just something that has to be done. I have met and know lots of moms who say they actually looked forward to going back to work, and that they were ready. Well, I can honestly admit that I actually could stay at home, if things were different. I know what has to be done, and I fully accept it, and I actually have good things happening at work, so I'm going back to a totally positive situation. I am LUCKY to have a job, as so many struggle with unemployment each day. That, and the fact that I know I'll be able to give Elise a good life, keep me going.<br />If I think too much about not being at home and playing with her all day, it will destroy me, so I must think positively. For her sake and mine. I must believe everything will work out just fine.<br /><br />Next week we have our final meeting with daycare before we begin. I have a few concerns and worries, I'm hoping this adjustment period for Elise goes okay. I don't know if it's normal for every baby to need to nurse so much, but she can be a fussy baby sometimes, and so nursing is my way of comforting her, whether she's hungry or not. I do try and walk around with her, bounce her, swing her, talk to her, etc but sometimes all she wants is to nurse. Soon though, she will not have me to nurse her all day long or when she needs it. I will be giving the day care bottles of milk, but what if she's not hungry-how will they soothe her? It just makes me worry and I hate that I'm not going to be there to fulfill her needs. Another thing that's bothering me is routine.<br />We have no routine, really.<br />I have been letting baby lead the way, and when she needs to eat, she eats. When she's tired, she sleeps. I started reading all these baby books about setting schedules and it literally makes my head spin. Am I a bad parent because I'm going back to work with no set schedule in place for my baby? She usually goes to bed for the night around 9 or 10, and I'm working on 9 being the norm vs. 10 because I want her to get the most sleep she can at night. But I don't follow any kinds of nap schedule during the day. I'm sure this works out okay for stay at home moms who can let baby lead but what do moms who work outside the home do for this? I'm assuming day care will put her on a schedule, is that bad to assume? Ugh. I just haven't liked any of the schedules that I've read about so far, I don't know what's wrong with me.<br /><br />Anyway, I'm nervous about this big change in our lives and hoping (praying) the adjustment is good for us both. I hope they give Elise all of the attention she deserves. :( I know some moms do not get as much leave as I have taken and I should be grateful that I had 12 long weeks with my baby to bond, etc but it still feels so short sometimes. I must be confident in my choice and know that plenty of moms work outside the home, and that we will be okay.<br /><br />I've also been wondering why I didn't do this sooner, and how amazing it really is, this parenting thing. I can't believe I thought something else mattered more than this.Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-47006976187524673542010-08-18T07:03:00.000-07:002010-08-18T07:10:57.524-07:002.5 weeks remainYep, you heard me correctly, only 2.5 weeks remain of my maternity leave.<br /><br />What an amazing journey this has been and it's only just beginning. I look over at my baby and she looks completely different to me than the teeny tiny 7 pound newborn from just a couple of months ago. Elise is now 9.5 weeks old and weighs 11 pounds! The pediatrician said she is doing so great, and that she is in the 75th percentile for her length and head size. She is 23.5 inches long!<br /><br />I am so sad to be leaving her very soon, but the good thing is that we have every day of the rest of our lives to be together. And good things are happening with work, so I know I am making the right decision for our family.<br /><br />We also had Elise's baptism on Sunday. It was important to us to have it early and before I went back to work. Going to church, prayer, etc is a big part of our lives and we wanted Elise in on it as soon as possible. :) She's been going to church with us since week 1 so why should we hesitate?<br /><br />Sometimes it feels like Elise was never NOT in my life. I've become so accustomed to being her mommy that I can't remember what life was like without her. It just feels so RIGHT and the timing of everything was so perfect. I definitely am loving this new chapter in my life and I can't wait to see Elise grow and thrive. To see her take her first steps, to talk to me, to eat something her Daddy prepared, to teach her to read and to LOVE music like her mom and dad, and to teach US things we never knew we needed to know.<br /><br />Life is great as this new family and I couldn't ask for more at this moment.<br /><br />Each day is a blessing.<br /><br />I hope and pray for it to always be this way.Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-10597077552029883632010-07-26T08:55:00.000-07:002010-07-26T09:05:53.962-07:00RoutinesSo here we are, at the halfway point of my maternity leave. I can't believe I'll be back at work in 6 weeks. It's gone by so fast. I have been treasuring every minute with my new daughter and while it will be difficult going back to work and leaving her all day, I get this little person in my life FOREVER which makes me smile and forget about how hard it will be. She and I have been bonding so much, and really getting into a good routine. I haven't read a lot of books about dealing with infants (most of what I read was about DURING pregnancy and how to deal w/childbirth) so a lot of this has been a learning experience for me.<br />I have been doing some reading online about routines and getting into a set schedule with your baby. For the most part, we have been just letting baby dictate the schedule and it has worked just fine. However, since I have to go back to work soon, getting a schedule in place is going to become more of a reality for us. One thing I have tried to do is when baby gets up in the middle of the night to nurse, I don't say a word to her or turn on any lights (unless I have to change her diaper, then I turn on the small light near the changing table) and I don't take her out of the nursery. What I was doing previously, was taking her out of the nursery or letting her sleep wherever she ended up. The new routine, involves moving her directly to the crib at night, and if she stirs or wakes up, nurse her back to sleep and leave her in the crib. I did this the other night in Kokomo as Matt's parents have a crib in their spare bedroom for Elise's cousin Ashlyn, who stays the night there frequently. Elise woke up twice to nurse and went right back down to sleep in the crib afterwards. Last night we tried this again, Matt moved her to the crib around 10 pm and she woke up at 2 and 4:3o to nurse. I woke up at 8 this morning and she was still fast asleep! If this had been a workday for me, I would have had to wake HER up!! I think it's working out great so far, but of course I'm sure she'll hit another growth spurt soon and throw this whole theory out of whack for me, lol. I just feel like the crib is a good, safe, secure place for her, where her neck and limbs won't be all sore like they would sleeping in the car seat or bouncy all the time. Plus the crib was a big investment, the mattress, bedding, etc was not cheap-let's get some use out of it! I think the problem before with the routine we were doing was that I would go watch TV, get on the computer while nursing and before you know, I had lost 90 minutes of sleep whereas now, Elise nurses quickly and gets right back into the crib and sleeps. I hope this lasts. We'll see how it goes!<br />I'm also a little concerned about how the routine will change once she enters daycare. I hope they don't let her sleep all day...then I won't get ANY sleep at night!! Remind me to ask about that... :)Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-28175433304339408342010-07-15T11:00:00.000-07:002010-07-15T11:11:51.674-07:00Settling into MotherhoodThings are finally starting to settle down over here at the Kanable household.<br />Elise kind of has this routine going where she's awake most of the day, then settles into sleep around 9 or 10 at night, waking up once or twice in the night and back up around 7-7:30. Although right now she's fast asleep in the sling because I took her out in it when I walked Bijou, so I'm sure the movement against my chest lulled her to sleep.<br />As for me, I'm absolutely loving motherhood. I love looking into my baby's eyes and seeing her gazing right back at me. If I'm lucky, I will get a smile too!<br />The past couple of weeks were a little tricky however, as we struggled a bit to have Elise regain her birth weight. We have been to the pediatrician's office numerous times for weight checks, and on week 3 or so, Elise was still not up to her birth weight. We tried everything too, I took Fenugreek (still taking it), drank the Mother's Milk Tea, ate more, drank more water, tried not to stress, tried to get rest, I just think for some reason Elise was not getting enough nourishment from me. And we're talking round-the-clock nursing here, she was ALWAYS eating and I was never away from the couch to get up and do anything! Reluctantly, I supplemented with a little formula, and now Elise is above and beyond her birth weight, at 8.5 lbs! To be honest, I never thought I'd be one of those people to resort to formula and it still makes me cringe that we couldn't exclusively breastfeed, but I also could not stand seeing my baby starving and deprived of nourishment. I have even been pumping to supplement with my own milk so that she could get less and less of the formula because I'd much rather have Elise feed from me. However, pumping has not been entirely successful either. I only get a tiny amount when I pump, so I've had to wait a day or two to get enough for a 2-3 ounce bottle. This worries me because I will be going back to work after Labor Day and how is my supply going to magically produce enough milk to leave with her caregiver?! I have heard that supplementing with formula dwindles your supply, but I feel like I never really had a big supply to begin with. Anyway, long story short, we are working on this and I don't consider us over the hurdle yet, but we are doing all we can to make sure my milk is the majority of what she gets. It is more important to me, though, that my baby eats, regardless of how it may hurt my pride. I can't beat myself up about this because it's not healthy.<br />SO, aside from that minor setback, things are great. We have been getting out of the house more and more with our daughter, taking her to birthday parties, restaurants, street fairs, farmer's market, church, etc. It is finally starting to feel like summer to me as I was getting SOOOO fed up with sitting around the house all day!! We are settling in quite nicely over here and I hope to have lots of good news and reports in the weeks/months/years to come! :)Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-10108914487092882962010-06-21T08:18:00.000-07:002010-06-21T08:45:41.606-07:00Elise's birth daySo per my doctor's orders, an induction it was. I have to admit I was disappointed that baby did not come on her own, but work/schedule wise for Matt and myself, this was the best possible option if I wanted my husband to be there with me on the big day. I don't think either of us had even considered that baby might not come on time!!<br />We went in on Friday, June 11th to Prentice Women's Hospital at Northwestern. We were greeted by a friendly nurse who unfortunately wasn't with us very long before we got a new nurse (This was to be a running theme, I can't count how many nurses I met over these 3 days!!), and the pitocin was started. I think they had me at a 2 or a 4 at this point. I got an IV of fluids and then we wait. This was about 9am. Soon after, my parents arrived about 10 or 11 and we watched some of the Hawks parade on TV, and various other programs. The hospital had this great movie channel where we could watch movies like Time Traveler's Wife, It's Complicated, etc. So basically at the beginning it was a lot of waiting around, for something to progress. I was only dilated at 1cm when we got to the hospital, so I knew it was going to take some time. I can't remember what time it was, sometime either late morning or early afternoon, I received the CRIB foley catheter, which is like a balloon that dilates your cervix. It was rather annoying having yet another item inserted and taped to my leg--made going to the bathroom rather interesting!! So the thing with the CRIB was that you either have it for 6 hours and it does the trick, or you have it for 6 more hours for a total of 12. It wasn't going to be checked again until 5pm so I was really hoping for the 6 hour check to have worked. I remember watching Jeopardy with my parents around 3 and then requesting a liquids food tray because by that point I was starving!! That chicken broth saved my life!!<br />At 5pm the CRIB was checked and my cervix was at a 3 or 4. They removed it and I breathed a sigh of relief. Soon thereafter, my water was broken and the pitocin was kicked up a notch, this time to about an 8? My sister and her husband arrived around 5 ish I believe, and I started to feel some pretty intense contractions. I remember each time they would come on, I would double over in pain and think about how much longer I had to sit with these before it would even be time to push. I let the contractions go on for probably longer than I should have before folding and requesting the epidural. I had wanted to try going without but since I had all these other artificial unnatural devices jammed inside me or in my veins, I thought, why not just do it? The epidural was rather painful, I hated that part so much. I was having contractions during the process so it was pretty unbearable. Once it was in however, I felt much better and while I was unable to get up and move around, I was happy to have the pain subside. The only thing I had to deal with now was the insanity of back labor. Whew, that stuff is intense. The epidural only made it worse I think!! At this point the pitocin was about a 10 and my cervix was doing it's thing, getting ready for me to push in a few hours. I think at 9pm the nurse told me I would probably start pushing around midnight. At 1am, and 9.5 centimeters, the pushing began. I have never felt time move so slowly yet so quickly all at once. With my mother, my sister, Matt and a swat team of kick-ass nurses, we pushed and pushed for an eternity. Matt had the I-Pod set to some Grateful Dead shows and we just focused on the task at hand. The nurses and everyone was telling me how great a job I was doing and that we were really making progress. I felt so empowered and confident by everyone's positive feedback, yet questioned if they were just being nice or if I was really getting somewhere!! After a few hours went by, I started to feel just slightly defeated. If I was doing so well, where was the baby?! Luckily, her heart rate stayed steady and baby worked with me to stay healthy while momma did her thing. I wanted SO badly to deliver vaginally, I pleaded with the nurses not to give up on me and turn me into a c-section delivery. They complied and said I was doing great and they saw no need to go that route given the circumstances. Praise God! Sometime at the 4-hour mark of pushing, with almost no end in sight, the lights turned bright and the OB made her appearance. I knew we were close! It was all so surreal. Then with one final monstrous push, I felt the release, and Elise Faith Kanable was born at 5:18 am on June 12, 2010. She weighed 7 pounds and 10 ounces, 21 inches long. She was absolutely perfect. When they brought her to me I couldn't believe I had just given birth to this precious being. My heart swelled with love and all we could do was stare at her. It's so amazing, how we'd gotten to know each other for 9 months while she lived inside my womb and now here she was, living outside, her first day on Earth.<br />I just have to say, it was all worth it. The pain, the long labor, the hours and hours of pushing....I can see why women do this again and again, there is really nothing like it once you see that child's face.<br />After recovering for an hour or two in L & D, we were wheeled on up to the 13th floor for postpartum. Baby roomed in with us the whole time, and it was awesome to spend that time together as a little family until it was time to go home. After ordering some pancakes and bacon, I finally got some rest :)<br /><br />Since last week, we have been slowly adjusting to this new lifestyle and getting accustomed to life with a newborn. There have been plenty of sleepless nights, but also many tears of joy and hours of gazing at our daughter's face and myriad expressions. I can't believe how different our lives have become, but I welcome this change and know that it is such a blessing and honor to have this person in our lives. We're a family now, and everything we do, we do together. As I type this I think it is time to go feed her so I must cut things short. I hope one day she wants to hear the story of her birth, as I will never tire of telling it.Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-3296994109579110542010-06-01T07:10:00.000-07:002010-06-01T07:23:15.530-07:00Ok, now we're into JUNE!<div><span style="font-family: arial;font-size:100%;" >June 1, I can't believe it. I am so excited to have this time off, I know it is just going to FLY by, so I'm planning on enjoying every moment. I sure hope the baby comes soon though, it's not quite the same sitting here alone-that wasn't the point :) I have another dr. appointment tomorrow so I'm hoping some progress has been made. I don't feel any different. I have been feeling those tiny contractions that happen for a split second. They usually happen when I'm walking around but now they'll happen randomly when I'm just sitting on the couch! I just hope I don't have to be induced, that would be such a disappointment to me, probably even more than a c-section. I just want labor to happen naturally. I'm also starting to get really nervous about being in a hospital, like I'm wimping out and should have just done this on my own, at home. It's not a medical procedure, it's something that occurs naturally to human beings and I'm worried I won't be able to speak up for myself when things start to get pushed on me and I won't have time to react or think about if it's what I really want. Especially because I'm nervous and will want the baby out and probably end up going with the flow, despite what my heart feels.<br />I just wish I knew when this baby was coming, it's all I can think about. Every move now is so calculated depending on when she might arrive, or can we go do this or that activity and what if I go into labor? Matt and I went to the grocery store this weekend and started to plan meals and I'm thinking, what if we aren't able to get through the week and we have wasted all this food sitting in the fridge while we're in some hospital? I can't help thinking like that, I just do, it's where my mind goes.<br />I'm sure everything will be fine, no matter what, but I just want it all to be so perfect and I know that is a dream scenario.<br /><br />So here is my letter to baby, hoping this will inspire her to arrive this week :)<br /><br />Dear precious baby girl,<br /><br />We are getting so excited and anxious for you to join our home. Friends and family are calling and wondering if there's been any news. Everyone wants you to arrive here safe and sound and is so excited to meet you, you have no idea.<br />Mommy and Daddy have all your clothes ready, your room is all ready and there is so much love pouring out of this house for you already. All we can talk about is how much our lives will change with you here and we are SO looking forward to that. Daddy can't wait until you are big enough to help him cook dinner with him and while I know that is several years away, he is already talking about it! We are so happy and blessed that you are coming into our lives and we can't wait to share all that we are with you.<br />So come when you are ready (but we're really hoping it is soon :)<br />You will be a June baby, and your birthdays will be so much fun with this warm weather!! Mommy is especially excited and fortunate to have some time off from work so we can get to know each other better.<br /><br />We love you dear little one and can't wait to see what day you choose to enter our world.<br /><br />Love,<br />Mommy and Daddy Kanable<br /></span></div>Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-7210305747671975472010-05-23T16:05:00.000-07:002010-05-23T16:43:57.795-07:0038 weeks-final stretchIt's been brought to my attention recently that I haven't been blogging anymore during this pregnancy. Most of that is related to the fact that I have been extremely busy at work, then when I get home, I am usually so tired, plus weekends are usually pretty packed.<br /><br />I can't believe the end is almost here. I don't think we could be anymore ready at home. We've got the bag packed, the car seat in the car, arrangements made for the pets, etc. I'm really hoping the baby does not come this week as I want to finish up some things at work, but I know it's not up to me, and I have to just allow nature to take it's course. Matt of course is ready, but he doesn't have to do all the work, lol! I have to admit I haven't been that nervous about childbirth until recently too...I just don't know what to expect and every time I feel a little pang or contraction, I have to wonder if this is the real thing? And how much worse is this going to feel?<br /><br />Luckily since I've been so busy at work, I haven't had a lot of time to dwell on the pain or childbirth itself, so that's good at least. I can't read any more books, learn anything more, etc. I just have to let it go and see what happens now!<br /><br />I am looking forward to having a lot of one on one time with this new addition, and just overall very curious to see who she'll look like, me or Matt? Will she have dark hair like me? Will she have Matt's eyes? Whose features will she take on? It's all so exciting and thrilling and amazing. I just can't believe it's almost over and soon there will be a baby in my arms after all this time....Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-16707040476454766052010-03-03T10:33:00.001-08:002010-03-03T10:44:43.269-08:00Lately...Lately I've been having these thoughts of just not being good enough.<br />I am guilty of comparing myself to others at times and taking a good hard look at what I'm doing or where I"m going vs. where others may be.<br />I know everyone's different and I shouldn't do this but sometimes I just can't help it.<br /><br />A few people I know are pregnant right now as well.<br />They have names picked out and cribs set up, and rooms all ready. And then there's me.<br />I want to be like that, so prepared and planned. I usually AM that way. But for some reason I feel like I'm falling behind on so many things. I had no idea there was so much to prepare for and plan for and calls to make and classes to attend and shall I continue?!<br />It's definitely harder when you have a full time job to do all of this, but I think I manage.<br />Sometimes though, I compare myself and feel like I'm falling short. I just want to be the best I can at this, and I'm hoping my procrastination and slacker- tendencies is not a sign of things to come.<br /><br />Last week I attended a seminar on vaccinations. It's the first of several classes I wish to take on childcare, including breastfeeding and the general childbirth classes we will take at the hospital.<br /><br />I know how many friends feel about vaccinations and their safety, etc. but I just have to know what is right for ME and my child. I walked away from that seminar feeling very prepared for what shots babies receive and when and how much. I don't think I'm going to turn away every vaccine at every chance I get. It might be okay if I was staying at home with the baby all day, keeping her free from harm's way, but that is not the reality that I live in. My child will need to attend day care, and be around other babies and children who may potentially get her sick and vice versa. I struggle with this because I want to do what's right, but I also need to see the bigger picture too. Anyway, I feel that going to this seminar at least gets me up to speed and informs me on what choices I do have, and that was important for me.<br /><br />I don't know, I guess I've been struggling a lot lately with comparisons and being good enough. One of my cousins who I hardly ever see, unfortunately because we do not live close by, gave me some good advice-she said "Trust your instincts" and "Do what YOU feel is right." I know I needed to hear that, because I need to listen to that inner voice more and know that we are all different, and the way we do things is not all the same. I've been told so many different opinions from various people about what to do and what not to do, and I just can't hear it anymore. (Unless I ask for the advice, LOL!) We can't expect every person we know to be the same, and do things the way we do them, and so I am just going to trust my gut and go with what I feel is right. For EVERY major decision that I have coming up in these next 3 months, and for the rest of my child's pre-adult life.<br /><br />Sigh. I hope I can do it.Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-61554334262652077772010-02-26T12:09:00.000-08:002010-02-26T12:24:52.866-08:00Embracing ChangeI don't embrace change well, in case you didn't know that about me.<br /><br />Being content with the way things are, however unorganized or out of place, I tend to just go with the flow and try not to stir the pot too much.<br /><br />However, I have a baby coming, and this time, CHANGE is inevitable.<br /><br />The first changes we are experiencing in our house are the changing of rooms, making room for baby. After living this way with just two people for SO long, you really come to realize how much stuff you accumulate and how much you hold onto, however unnecessary. The things that are taking up space in my home and in my life, are sometimes hard to say goodbye to, but I know in my heart they must be done. In order to bring more in, a purging, so to speak, must take place. It's not that I'm attached to the "stuff", I mean I'm not a hoarder or anything, but like I said I just don't like to change things all that much.<br /><br />However, I'm starting to realize more and more that I like this change. My husband is someone who embraces change pretty well. I remember many times throughout our apartment living he would get a wild hair on his head and just change up the layout of the living room or bedroom. After I saw the change, I liked it, but I was always reluctant at first. (Sorry honey)<br /><br />These days, we are changing our old bedroom to the new bedroom and emptying out the baby's room, for what's to come. We are starting to think about and ponder our lifestyle changes and wondering how to make all the necessary adjustments for this new person in our lives.<br /><br />I figure the more I start to embrace the little changes, the easier it will be for me to embrace the bigger ones. Because I can imagine as this girl grows up, there are only going to be bigger changes taking place in her life AND ours, internal and external struggles with which to cope and less time to worry about them than I ever deemed imaginable.<br /><br />It's all going to be fine though.<br /><br />I never wanted this change more than any I've ever had before.Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-10935228082343934662010-02-10T10:41:00.000-08:002010-02-10T10:54:33.739-08:00Checking in!So, it's Wednesday and what a crazy week we've had so far! With Earthquakes and Snowstorms, is it just me or does it feel like the world is just one chaotic mess sometimes?! I didn't feel the earthquake last night, although some people at work were talking about it.<br />I'm surprised I didn't though, because I woke up at least 3-4 times last night, tossing and turning and waking in and out of bad dreams. It was not pleasant.<br /><br />Well, today I had another appointment and I am currently 23.5 weeks along. Can I just say how much I'm loving being pregnant so far? What took me so long to do this? I'm starting to feel more movement these days which is great. I can't wait until Matt is able to feel the baby kick too. I feel her a lot after I eat or shift around.<br />This past weekend we registered at Babies R Us and now I think we are about done. I have a good idea of what we're going to buy and how the baby's room will look.<br />I have been hesitant to share much about my idea's for the nursery, but I don't mean for it to be a secret. I just wanted to be POSITIVE that's what I wanted. Things are starting to fall into place now so I feel comfortable sharing the details.<br />We are doing a music-themed nursery, which, if you know me and you know Matt, makes total sense. He and I have been going to concerts and collecting music since we were probably in the single digits and can't wait to share this part of ourselves with the little one. I know where I get my love of music too, from my parents. One of my earliest memories is of listening to records with my Dad, putting on those big jumbo headphones and getting lost in a Led Zeppelin, Elton John, Heart or Pat Benetar record. Those are very vivid memories for me and I want to instill the love and passion for music in my children that I have. Matt and I have collected and framed a lot of music posters over the years and those will be hung on the walls. I also just purchased a wall hanging from Etsy that includes French nursery rhymes so we'll be hanging that up as well. We have a few other ideas here and there that may or may not work, but the main idea is for our daughter to have music surrounding her and in life from day one. I can't wait to get to work!Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-17095227220474478342010-02-04T13:17:00.000-08:002010-02-04T13:31:14.669-08:00Birthday WishesI'm sure we were all told as children that it's bad luck to tell your birthday wishes when you blow out your candles.<br />I'm not a kid anymore, and I'm not afraid. I want to share this time.<br /><br />This year I wish:<br /><br />1. For all my friends who are still looking for jobs or struggling with unemployment to find their dream job this year and for all their struggles to end.<br />2. For the health of all my friends and family, may we all continue to live in peace.<br />3. For my husband and me as we begin this journey of parenthood, may God guide us and lead us along the way and give us strength in the difficult times, and may we be the best parents to that little girl and shower her with all the love she deserves.<br />4. For a smooth transition and the courage to move back into my duties in my career as I know leaving her will be so so hard. I don't want to think about that part right now. :)<br />5. For the people I have lost touch with to know that I miss them and love them very much and if I could hold you all near much more often, I would. And for those who have lost touch with me to know that I am always here with open arms.<br /><br />May I always know how blessed I am and never forget it for one single second.Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-80195048046938079912010-02-03T09:19:00.000-08:002010-02-03T09:21:28.486-08:00QuickeningEvery week, there is a little poem or inscription at the end of my weekly pregnancy emails from Mothering Magazine. I thought I'd share this week's edition. It is hard for me not to be moved to tears each time I receive these:<br /><br /><b>Quickening</b><br /> <span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;font-size:100%;color:#4f4f4f;"> This baby moves inside me now<br />Sending messages at night-<br />Morse code<br />About life on the inside:<br />It is dark<br />But warm and quiet<br />With only muffled echoes softly pleading,<br />Wake up, little one.<br />I want to know you're in there,<br />Happy and safe.<br />Answers come again-<br />A sudden flutter-<br />Secret lyrics of song with no rhythm.<br />Played with hands and feet.<br /><br /> Someday I will hear the song again-<br />A high-pitched, quick and breathy humming.<br />I will teach her that she's been singing that old song forever,<br />And reach out for little splayed hands<br />That have long since held my heart.<br /><br /> By <i>Yvette Benavides</i> </span>Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-88732816626921351682010-02-02T12:55:00.000-08:002010-02-02T13:10:32.122-08:00Moving right along...Well, here we are, into February already. Can you believe it?!<br /><br />In two days it will be my 33rd birthday and I can't believe THAT either!<br /><br />Things are going pretty good in my world right now, can't really complain. I had an amazing weekend spent with family, friends and my dear husband. Over the weekend, I was treated to dinner and lunch on two separate occasions, saw 2 shows and got to see the new (well, I guess it's not so new anymore) Modern Wing at the Art Institute yesterday. All in all, I'd say it was a pretty action-packed but incredibly fun weekend.<br /><br />This weekend I hope to do more registering and getting a better grip on what we need for the baby. I was blessed with a HUGE box of baby clothes/shoes/socks from my dear friend Stephanie (www.adventuresinbabywearing.com) and had so much fun looking through everything yesterday and imagining my daughter wearing her daughter's hand-me-downs. It's bittersweet for me because Steph and I have been friends since we were literally 5 years old and to think my little girl and hers will have worn the same clothes just melts my heart. Especially considering all the clothes & shoe swapping she and I have done over the years!!! Thanks Steph-you are so amazing.<br /><br />As for what else we need, I am a bit overwhelmed by all that goes into getting a baby's room ready-but I think that once we have the room cleared out for what stays and what goes, I'll be able to determine how much we really need. I was debating the idea of a co-sleeper next to my bed for when baby needs to nurse at night, but I'm not sure it's worth getting since we won't need it for very long. But I did read somewhere that it makes the baby transition better from your womb to the outside world when you keep them confined to a smaller space vs. a massive crib from the get-go. Another item we are toying with is the changing table. I would love to get a changing table/dresser combo that serves two purposes, but have not come across many that are very reasonably priced. Real estate is not going to be easy to come by in our nursery so we'll have to cut corners somewhere. I also think I really want a rocking chair for the room, but after the kids grow up and are older, what am I going to do with a rocker? Sell it I suppose.<br />I know we need to search more diligently on Craigslist but every time I look I don't see anything I like....sigh.<br />Welp, not much else is new and exciting in my life. Just thought I'd post an update since it had been awhile. I need to start incorporating pictures into my posts soon so maybe once we get the baby's room done I will have more visual accompaniments to my posts. Until then, enjoy your week everyone!!<br />JJen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-50481049169107155642010-01-21T08:31:00.001-08:002010-01-21T08:51:51.594-08:00Where I'm coming from and where I'm goingSo I don't know if this happens to bloggers who post on the regular, but I've started coming up with ideas for blogs as I lie in bed at night, trying to fall asleep.<br /><br />Last night I thought about the forum I recently joined since I became pregnant, it's a forum for pregnant women, and you can join the forum specific to the month you are due.<br /><br />I am due in June, so I am in the June mommas club.<br /><br />The other day, one of the gals mentioned something about feeling really old and how she felt like she was the oldest one of the bunch. Thinking to myself, there is no way she can be the oldest, because I DEFINITELY feel like the oldest in that group. She mentioned she was turning 28. I told the group I was 32 going on 33. My thoughts were confirmed. I am the oldest.However, the youngest in this group is 18, as far as I know. Which got me to thinking about age and how it's just a number and what does it all mean?<br />At 18, I remember starting college, being away from home for the very first time. Life was an adventure, the world was at my feet. I went through many transitional phases in college and learned a lot about who I was. Could I have raised a child at that age? Sure. Was I mentally prepared for that challenge? Not at all. After college I moved back home for awhile, interning in Chicago and hoping for a full-time job so I could move out there. At 23, I finally had enough money saved after living with my parents to put down a deposit on an apartment and move out to the big city. Soon after that, my boyfriend (now husband) moved in with me and all was right with the world. Soon after September 11th, I lost my full time job at the show where I was working and the world felt incomplete and uncertain. Knowing that at 24, I still had a lot of opportunities ahead of me, I trudged on, looking towards the future for what lies ahead. I ended up getting my job back (a different position was offered and it was much better than the one I had previously) and I ended up staying there until 2003, or age 26. After the show ended, I worked a few odd jobs here and there, freelancing in the city but something felt incomplete. I didn't feel right moving from job to job, I wanted something more substantial and steady without having to work 12-16 hour days on a shoot. It was about this time that I started feeling restless (not in a bad way) in my relationship with my boyfriend. I knew I wanted to get married someday, but when? I always told Matt that I wanted to get my career in check and have something to be proud of before I took that leap. And if I didn't always say it directly, he definitely knew it. It wasn't until one night when we were watching The Bachelor when I made a comment about how we'd probably never get married, huh? That was all it took. Matt knew right away that it was time, and while he had been ready and willing all along, it was me who was dragging my feet, waiting for all these imaginary ducks to file in a row. So, at 27, we took the leap and tied the knot.<br />After that I started a new career in advertising and really started to feel that things were aligning for me. After working my way up the ladder and landing a decent position, Matt's job was also going good and we were starting to really settle into life in the big city with having a little bit more money in our pockets to spend. I knew that one day we would probably start a family, but I was in no hurry. I never had a feeling like, I might be 30 soon, I better do this! It wasn't until soon after 30 that I started seriously thinking about where this was all going. After Matt and I got back from Paris we started talking about it a bit more and trying to figure out when a good time might be to start a family. In Sept. of 2008 I lost my job and more thoughts of "Where is this all going?" ensued. I don't know when the light bulb finally clicked for me that you don't need to "have it all" to actually live by that philosophy, but when I pictured our lives together, I always saw them eventually with children by our sides. Thinking about growing old with no memories of raising a family made me feel sad. So when we finally started trying I knew that this was right, and while it may not have been the ideal right time and perfect moment in our lives, would there ever be?<br />Which brings me back to the women on the forum.<br />I don't know their life stories or what made them decide they were ready to raise a family, and at what age. But know for me, 18, 24, 26, those times were not right for me. All the living I did and experiences I have had, have shaped me up to this point. While someone else might have thought 22 was the ideal age to "grow up" and be a parent, for another, they might have needed to tour around with rock bands, go to Europe, have a few amazing jobs and go away to Vegas on a whim. It doesn't make me any less deserving or sincere that I'm the oldest in the group, or that I want this any less. Maybe it just means that my children will just have to sit through more stories of what Mommy and Daddy's lives were like before they were born. Lord knows I have a million saved up and ready to be told.... :)Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-37655023064517491482010-01-18T11:40:00.000-08:002010-01-18T13:59:43.171-08:0020 weeks.So, we are officially at the halfway point of this pregnancy and I cannot believe how fast it's going.<br /><br />I feel like it was just yesterday I was peeing on a stick and trying to determine if that faint 2nd line was really a positive sign or not! It's crazy to me that soon I will get to meet my daughter. And yes, we did recently find out "it" was a "she"!!! (I can't believe it myself sometimes.)<br /><br />The ultrasound was so amazing, words cannot describe how awesome it is to watch life growing inside of you. The tech took her time showing us all the different organs and body parts and sent us home with some ultrasound photos as a keepsake. I still catch myself shaking my head in awe that this little person is inside of me right now as I stare at her little head, legs and feet!<br /><br />We are getting ready in the next couple of weeks to start rearranging the bedrooms so we can work on a nursery in the smaller room for baby. We are already starting to receive clothes and some toys as gifts, so it's time we found a good place to put them! I also started a registry at Target for a few things. We also want to take a drive out to Babies 'R' Us to look at cribs, changing tables, dressers, etc. From there we should be able to see in person what styles we like and don't like. If we don't end up getting anything there I may end up going with a crib I like from Target. It's from their Dwell Studio which is very modern and hip and will go right along with all of our modern furniture. We were going to paint the bedroom but now I think we've decided we might just stick to cool artwork and designs for the walls and leave the room color as is.<br />Today I started feeling the baby move around even more than before. Previously I was just feeling twitches and slight movement. Today it almost felt like tumbling or rolling. I also experienced last night what I believe to be Braxton Hicks contractions. I did some reading up on this and apparently they can start around 20 weeks. I felt very tight and uncomfortable in my stomach and had to hold onto Matt while it was happening. I did not know what a contraction would feel like but I'm pretty sure that was it. The books all said it is your body's way of getting ready for childbirth, almost like a "practice contraction." Anyway, it didn't really hurt too bad, just felt very strange!!<br />So...other than that, not really too much else to update. This past weekend we went home to see my Dad for his birthday and had dinner at a really great restaurant in Valpo, called The Dish. It was so yummy! On Sunday we went to church with my parents and the Mass was very moving as the Gospel focused on the wedding in Cana where Jesus turned the water into wine. We also got to renew our vows along with all the other couples in the middle of Mass, and looking around at all that was happening, I was again overcome with emotion. I love my husband so much. I can see the love in his eyes too. We are truly lucky to have each other.<br /><br />I also want to make mention of the people in Haiti and all they are going through. I hope relief comes soon for these people. They are facing severe devastation. I watch the news and see their plight and I can't help but feel extremely thankful that I have a roof over my head and food on my table. I became overwhelmed this morning with all I have and again was brought to tears.<br /><br />I even almost started crying last night during the Golden Globes when "Up" won best Animated Feature because they played the theme music when the director/creator/whatever went up to the stage to accept his award. Sometimes it doesn't take much to set me off...sigh...that movie!!<br /><br />Ok anyway, I should sign off for now. Hope everyone has a great week.<br /><br />JKJen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-40923149895137800832010-01-04T11:12:00.000-08:002010-01-04T11:25:52.474-08:00Happy New Year!Hello dear readers!<br /><br />I hope everyone had a safe and happy New Year's and is all refreshed and ready to kick off 2010!<br /><br />We celebrated with some friends, kept it low-key, but I still stayed up later than I intended to. However, hubby and I slept in a good bit on Friday and basically relaxed that day. Saturday we rant some errands and had lunch at the Olive Garden (I got a gift card for Christmas). I was craving those breadsticks and salad so we had to go sooner than later. LOL.<br /><br />After that, we headed over the adjacent mall for some shopping. We didn't have anything to return this year but I wanted to look for some maternity pants at the Kohl's over there because I was down to one pair of jeans that fit me and work pants that left me basically wincing in pain every time I sat down. I had been sort of reluctant to buy these up to this point because of how ridiculous they looked but little did I know, MATERNITY PANTS ARE A REVELATION!!!!!!!<br />Wow. Aside from the amusing fact that they only come in S, M, L and the variations of Extra-small or large at that, I managed to find a pair that works. The funny thing is, I'm a small in one pair and a medium in the other. The best part about these pants is NO BUTTONS OR ZIPPERS, I just pull 'em up and off I go! They're actually quite hilarious. Matt was making fun of me because he was getting his stretchy-pants on last night to relax in and he was like, no fair, you've been in yours all day! I can tell you I will be wearing the hell out of these things until it's time for normal clothes again. Love.<br /><br />Other than that, not much else happened this weekend. I did experience one minor mood swing that I can laugh about now, but at the time really bugged me. I kept reading in my baby books about how your mood can change during pregnancy and you can cry at the drop of a hat. Up to this point, that had not been my experience (aside from the typical TV show or commercial which I thought everyone cried at). Well, the other day, my cat decided to rest on my lap for awhile, for a short while, then decided he had had enough. Now if you know my cat, you know that when he gets in that evil mood, just get him out of your sight as quickly as possible. Well, I was not so quick this time. He scratched my arm in like 5 different places, drawing blood and I swear hitting every vein. It hurt!! I started crying from the pain, from having a mean cat, from who knows what. But now looking back, I'm thinking, I've been hurt by him before and didn't start bawling, why now? Of course, the hormones. That must be it.<br /><br />Other than that, I've just been trying to eat healthy (Thanks Dr. Oz!), sleep plenty and try not to stress out. I really love to sleep on my back and stomach too, and these days it's been harder and harder to do. This sleeping on your side business has never been my favorite. Ah well.<br />It's all gonna be worth it in the end, right?Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-40766577784434458732009-12-28T08:55:00.000-08:002009-12-28T09:38:17.330-08:00The Holidays and looking forward to 2010Well, another Christmas season has come and gone. I hope everyone had a great time with their loved ones. We divided up our time over the past 4 days in Kokomo with Matt's family and in Valpo with mine. It always seems to go by so quickly, gone in a flash.<br />This Christmas was extra-special to me because it's the last one I will have before becoming a mom and I got to spend the holidays knowing I am with child. Hubby and I slept in really late on Christmas morning, thinking this will probably be the last where we'll be able to get up and shower and take our time, before the chaos of Christmas begins as parents.<br />I had such a great time with everyone, we really are so blessed to have our families and everyone be happy and healthy. I got some really awesome baby gifts, including baby's first Winnie-the-Pooh bear, a CD of lullaby music, some onesies (my first!) and some great baby books including the Dr. Oz/Dr. Roizen one which I already can't put down. Hubby gave me Inglorious Basterds which I already started watching last night, a bunch of clothes and books, perfume, etc. We have friends who say they don't exchange gifts with their spouse, but for us, we really enjoy giving each other a few special gifts we've chosen and Christmas only happens one time a year, so why not?<br />Another great highlight of this trip for me was seeing my little nephew Mark and spending lots of time with him. He's always been kind of reserved and quiet around Matt and me, and this time he really opened up and was so animated. Watching him really take to Matt was so cute and I know we will have such a great time raising a little boy or girl of our own. It melts my heart watching those two together.<br />This week, I'm working a short week so that will be nice. Wednesday we get out early and then I have Thursday-Sunday off. I'm sure I'll need to clean my house over that time, it's been a little neglected with all the traveling and holiday preparations...not looking forward to taking my tree down..maybe I'll leave it up another week or two longer :)Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-4838666532336670762009-12-22T12:20:00.000-08:002009-12-22T12:30:19.424-08:00What do you crave?So today I have been thinking about cravings and how I have been enjoying all my favorite foods in this pregnancy, to no end.<br />I started out in the first trimester having NO appetite at ALL and while that would be great for a woman trying to lose a few pounds, for a growing life that is no way to live. I basically survived on crackers and celery for the first several weeks, but it felt like months. My poor husband would try and come up with these amazing dinner ideas, but the thought of them made my stomach turn. Nothing sounded good. Mashed potatoes-are you kidding me? Even chicken (one of my favorites!) sounded disgusting.<br />Then I went through the phase of liking nacho cheese on everything. Tortilla chips, hot pretzel, you name it, I could not get enough nacho cheese.<br />Presently, I am really starting to get back into food and my appetite has come back full force!! I start to worry when I will get my next meal :) My in-laws do not do a big sit-down dinner on Christmas Eve like my family, so hubby embarrassed me by asking his mom on my behalf what's for dinner because "Jen was wondering how often she will get to eat." Gee, thanks. I just wondered because we're going on a long road trip and church is that evening, so I need to plan how to feed myself and my baby and should I bring some nachos for the road? :)<br /><br />On the negative side, I have been bombarded with sweets lately and while I love candy, cookies and chocolate, I am feeling that these are not such good things to be introducing to a fetus. Will they even be able to get teeth at all if I keep this up? Mostly though, I want savory, not sweet. Why can't someone bring me a big bucket of popcorn or salted pretzels instead? Why hasn't that become the new holiday tradition? I should start it, seriously.<br /><br />Well, I digress, but I hope everyone has a great enjoyable holiday season. I probably won't post on here until after the holiday but who knows. The in-laws have a cozy little computer nook and I might get the urge to blog around 3am after my 4th pee run of the night. Been feeling a little restless at night these days. I thought I was supposed to get a LOT of sleep right now because later I won't have that luxury, but all my body wants to do is lie awake. I guess it's doing it's job of preparing me for 2am feedings so I'm not in total shock when it becomes a reality!!Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-21903739740053520192009-12-21T13:44:00.000-08:002009-12-21T13:53:45.616-08:00Wow, I really need to blog more..Yikes! I can't believe it's been about a year since I last posted on this thing. You can expect that to all change soon enough. I have plenty to write about now! As you may have heard, I am currently 16 weeks pregnant and counting!!<br />The time since I found out has just FLEW by and I honestly still cannot believe that this miracle is happening inside of me. It's almost like it's not really real until the day you meet this new life.<br />So, as you can understand, my time has been consumed by the holiday season and the prospect of parenthood.<br />I have been anxiously trying to get caught up on all my baby shows, baby books, mommy blogs, etc. (As if that's going to even prepare me for what's in store!) In the meantime, hubby and I are just enjoying this bit of time we have left as a couple, going to dinner, sleeping in, spending quality time in front of the T.V. with our pets, etc. before our lives are about to change.<br />I'm really thrilled with this whole concept, of parenthood, of all that comes with it. I'm READY for this step in my life and while I may have been a bit of a pessimist in the past, I have nothing but high hopes for what's ahead in life.<br />It's funny too, all the changes that women go through while expecting. For the most part, I've been privy to them all, but the funniest one that gets me so far, is that as women, we're already a bit self-conscious about our figures and what not. Then to get these weekly emails stating where I'm at in the pregnancy and "Your baby is now the size of a ____ (insert slightly larger fruit here)." Ok, I get it. He/she is an avocado! That gives me some point of reference I suppose....but why then does my stomach look bloated and fat like it's already carrying a canteloupe? Can we use something else to talk about this besides fruit please? So then when I look down at my tummy that does not resemble an avocado but a bundle of them, I won't feel so bad? Kthanks.<br />All that body image stuff aside, I feel absolutely wonderful and can't wait to start preparing the baby's room. I hope you will join me on this journey and see what what develops in our lives, give me some advice (please?) and laugh at me when my baby-cluelessness rears its head. Lord knows it will, MANY times. Thanks and wish me luck!! AHH!!Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-5272858854826466472009-01-01T16:10:00.000-08:002009-01-01T16:42:04.579-08:002008 and looking ahead...Ahh, well here we are, the first day of a new year. It's always a little exciting to start off fresh, to get a new start. To make the next 365 days count. To have no regrets and to live each day completely and fully.<br /><br />As I think back to 2008 and all that went on in my little world, I smile and I also frown. But it's this thing called life, and it will always have its ups and downs. Some of the things that changed me and that come to mind when recapping this year include...<br /><br />My 31st b-day: We were motorin' at the karaoke joint where you get your own private room. Ended up going there another time last year, and if the girls have any say in it, it won't be the last...<br /><br />Sometime around March, I decided that my dream of owning a pug were to finally become a reality and I started to look much harder for the puppy I needed to own. After making a visit to the breeder's house, we fell in love with our little Bijou. The first few months were a little tough, but we've since gotten over the hump and now have our wonderful little baby Bijou to enjoy and love. It's hard to believe she will be a year old later in January '09 and I can't wait to see what she does next to crack me up!<br /><br />April in Vegas for Whitey's b-day: It was my first overnight trip with the ladies in who knows how long. Despite getting food poisoning late Saturday night, I still had a blast, and learned that I can play a pretty mean game of Texas Hold 'Em Bonus Poker. It was quite the memorable trip and one I hope to take again in the years to come. Vegas is what you make of it, and we made it a blast!<br /><br />May-Mary's wedding: This was my baby sister's big day and it was amazing to say the least. Everything, from the ceremony, to riding in the limo with the wedding party, to the crazy reception where the whole family managed to bond and catch a mean buzz, made for a very memorable night. We are so blessed to have such a close knit family and for all that we are blessed with.<br /><br />And soon after the wedding, was PARIS! My second big trip that year, was Paris, France. It was a long time coming, but we finally went to Europe. This was probably my highlight of the year, and it was so incredibly special to me and Matt as well. We did everything on our own terms and even got to sneak in a Radiohead concert that week as well!! Part of me knows it won't be my last trip to this amazing city. Just from that moment we walked out of the train and onto the cobblestone street to our apartment, I knew that we were somewhere special. It was like falling into another era, a different world, something completely opposite the bustling city of Chicago. I can't wait to explore more of Europe!<br /><br />July brought the festive 4th of July, more BBQs and lots of sun!!<br />August was Lollapalooza-a highlight for me-something to look forward to every year, and a hop, skip and a jump from our place! Ok, well, maybe a train ride away, but still!<br />A few other great highlights that month included the birth of our friend Brandi's baby, and another wedding, this time in Kansas City!! Our friends Tim and Blaise got married here and we had a blast. It was so much fun being part of their special day.<br /><br />September brought some of the downs to this month, due to Grandma falling more and more ill each day. I will never forget the last moment I saw her and kissed her goodbye. I left that room with a huge amount of guilt and anger at myself, for being so consumed in my world that I forgot to make more time for others. I loved her very much, and only wish I would have spent more time telling her that and being with her, vs. not being with her. Rest in peace, Grandma. That same day we lost her, I also lost my job. I had taken a different route, career-wise, and ventured into the world of advertising. This company was my life for the past 4 years, so it was hard to be let go, but with every ending comes a new beginning, and while the next month would be very difficult for me, I had to keep my head up and know that there had to be something better along the way.<br />In November, we made CHANGE happen and elected Barack Obama as our new president. This was extremely important to me, and an election I couldn't help but watch closely. America voted for change, and the rest of the world took notice. I hope that the next 4 years bring the goodness we need to the U.S, and we get out of this war, and more economic stimulation to the country.<br />With no time wasted on my little mini-vacation from work, I sent out tons of resumes and met with plenty of recruiters. Finally, something came along that had promise and potential. I have been at this new job for about 60 days now, and things are going great. It is not the full-time with benefits job I had hoped for, but in this economy, it was a great offer to accept and had the potential to turn into something longer term. For the meantime, it is enough for me, and I am happy. I have had quite enough unemployment in my lifetime, thankyouverymuch.<br />The holidays this year went very quickly, as they always do. We had a great holiday party and I finally learned how to make pierogis. Christmas Eve was a good time to be with family and Christmas in Kokomo was wonderful as well. I also learned that I kind of love Guitar Hero and need to play that again like, soon!<br />New Years Eve we had Rob and Sarah and Tim and Blaise over and we ate, drank and danced some Charlie Brown dances ;) then went to the Justice NYE show at the Congress. It was a blast. And now, I am tired and I have plenty to be thankful for. I am ending 2008 knowing that I can't change what's past, but I CAN change what happens in the future. I am hopeful that a few good things will happen in 2009 and that we can only look forward and never look back....Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-66377616208305775342008-10-15T11:34:00.000-07:002008-10-15T12:41:39.872-07:00Anxious, worried, stressed...shall I continue?So as most of you have heard, I lost my job recently. This came as not too big of a surprise, as I had been sensing that layoffs were imminent and going to happen soon. I just didn't know when.<br />What I didn't know, was that on the day my grandmother passed away, I would get the call only hours later from my boss telling me that I had to be "let go."<br />It's a drag hearing those words, knowing that you really didn't do anything to cause you to lose your job.<br />All I can do now is try and find something, and fast. Luckily I have my severance but still, I am trying to live as if I didn't.<br />In the long run I'm sure this won't hurt too bad, as I know there are jobs to be had and I know that I will be okay. It will just sting for a while.<br />I have always been a person who likes to map out my life and think I can keep control of it all.<br />But lately, I'm feeling a loss of control about a lot of things. I need to stop and take inventory of my life and where I'm at, and sometimes what I discover does not please me very much.<br />Of course I've been watching a lot (well, not a LOT but some) TV during my time off. A lot of the talk has been about the current financial crisis. That is NOT something a person who is unemployed wants to hear or read about. I know it's reality, but it's like just adding another 3-5 inches on an already snowy ground. I get it. I know times are tough. And there are plenty who have it worse than me. But I can't help just feeling so helpless.<br />I am lucky to have a spouse, a support system, and all that. But I just feel like a failure most of the time. I think if I only had taken more risks, stop trying to play everything so safe, maybe I'd be in a better place right now. I am the type of person who likes stability, who would stay at one job her whole career if given the opportunity. Unfortunately, times are different and that type of job doesn't really exist. At least I haven't found it yet.<br />I want to be in a different place right now, but I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. I just feel that starting over at age 31 is not at all an ideal situation. And I realize that others are starting over at an even older age. I had this dream and still do of being a mom one day, I just want to have that experience like everyone else. I want to have that ideal life of a family and a work life, and vacations and all that stuff that goes along with a satisfying life. Right now I cannot see that ever happening for me. I see that I must have made wrong turns somewhere along the line, and I did think I had lost focus, but I must have, or this wouldn't be happening. I don't know, maybe I am destined for a different life. Maybe I was meant to just crank out work all my life and never have all those other experiences. I am meant to be chasing the next best thing instead of settling for what I have. Will I ever be fully content? I think I want different things than someone else sometimes, and I'm trying to be vague here but it really hurts when your goals are different than they should be.<br />Ugh, I'm not sure when I'll get out of this funk either. I try to explain it to people but then they are all going through their crap too, so they can't be expected to understand.<br />What I need is NOT to be sitting around the house all day, making these self-loathing posts. I need to be bringing in some money and not dwell on the past, but on making the future better.<br />It will probably just take some time, but I feel as if for now, I'm taking a step back instead of forward...Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-29974587725413505012008-08-05T13:32:00.000-07:002008-08-05T14:28:35.689-07:0031 and still rockin’…I thought surely one day this would all start to get old to me.<br />I thought there’s no way I can last 3 days at a music festival- are you kidding me?! Lollapalooza used to be one day, that was enough! But for many, many reasons, I keep coming back for more of this secret that I share with 225,000 other people. What can I say? I love it too much.<br /><br />For three days in this gorgeous city of Chicago, I get to run around Grant Park and be a kid again. This year was even more special because there were several bands from my youth that I was finally getting to see perform songs that held a lot of meaning for me.<br /><br />It all started out Friday when we got there in time for the <span style="font-weight: bold;">Black Keys</span> set, around 4:30 and saw them until they finished at 5:15. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Cat Power</span> then played at the adjoining Playstation stage, but we didn’t stay long for her set. I just feel that some artists lend themselves better to the outdoor, heat-laden summer festival type of events and some are better in the air-conditioned venue with plush seating. Cat Power I’m afraid is one of those people (for me). So, we chose to make our way over to <span style="font-weight: bold;">Grizzly Bear</span> on the side Citi stage, and I was pleased with our decision.<br /><br />We stayed there for about 30 minutes until it was time for <span style="font-weight: bold;">Raconteurs</span>. The first time Raconteurs played here 2 years ago, I was up at the front of the stage, having just seen one of my favorite bands, Umphrey’s McGee play on that very same stage. The show was no less rockin', but I was so far back it was more difficult to see this time. As my friend put it, who was with me up front two years ago…”All I can see is Jack White’s pale. That’s enough.” They played all the songs I expected to hear from Broken Boy Soldiers, and some of the new tunes that are great as well. Jack White is a rock star, and I love him.<br /><br />After a short restroom break and walk over to the south end of the field, we took in some aural <span style="font-weight: bold;">Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks</span> (could not see them from our vantage point unfortunately) and it wasn’t until a few days later I learned that part of the Jicks consists of the old Sleater-Kinney drummer, Janet Weiss. Pretty awesome, I did not know that. Soon after, we made our way to <span style="font-weight: bold;">Radiohead</span> and found a spot to set up camp. With the help of my friend Joel’s umbrella, we were able to guide some other friends to our spot and had a nice sized group in which to enjoy the show. The opening notes to '15 Step' began and we were off! This show was simply amazing, it’s so hard for me to put into words. I saw them just two months earlier in Paris on this tour, and while it was a very similar show, it was a completely different experience. Radiohead is my favorite band, and no one comes close to making me feel they way they do when I listen to their music. The rest of their setlist is as follows:<br /><br />1. 15 Step<br />2. Airbag<br />3. There There<br />4. All I Need<br />5. Nude<br />6. Weird Fishes/Arpeggi<br />7. The Gloaming<br />8. The National Anthem<br />9. Faust Arp<br />10. No Suprises<br />11. Jigsaw Falling Into Place<br />12. Reckoner<br />13. Lucky<br />14. The Bends<br />15. Everything In It's Right Place (fireworks began right about here!)<br />16. Fake Plastic Trees<br />17. Bodysnatchers<br /><br />Encore 1<br />18. Videotape<br />19. Paranoid Android<br />20. Dollars & Cents<br />21. House Of Cards<br />22. Optimistic<br /><br />Encore 2<br />23. 2+2=5<br />24. Idioteque<br /><br /><br />Saturday took us to Lolla around 2:00 due to some slacking off in the AM and sleeping in…We caught the entire <span style="font-weight: bold;">Foals</span> set, and were very impressed. They reminded me of a cross between <span style="font-weight: bold;">Battles and the Disco Biscuits</span> with the singer from the <span style="font-weight: bold;">Cure</span>. Very interesting, and someone I think I would go see again in a smaller venue. After that we caught a little <span style="font-weight: bold;">MGMT</span> and they didn’t blow us away immediately, so the choice was made to head over and grab some lawn for <span style="font-weight: bold;">Explosions in the Sky</span>. This is instrumental, Mogwai-type music and perfect for lying down in the grass with your shoes off, just taking it all in. I loved it. After Explosions, we caught the rest of <span style="font-weight: bold;">DJ Bald Eagle</span> and waited for (a late) <span style="font-weight: bold;">Uffie </span>who has sang on Justice’s CD and is a cutie little 20-year-old MC who lives in Paris. I was really looking forward to Uffie but she didn’t show up until close to 6:15-6:20 so there wasn’t much time to waste before <span style="font-weight: bold;">Battles</span> on the Citi stage. We caught maybe 2 Uffie songs before we had to scoot. I’ll see her again, I’m sure. DJ Bald Eagle had this rapper with him that totally cracked my shit up more than anyone this weekend with this line “I’m too fat to be a hipster…those skinny jeans don’t come in my size…” so funny. I can relate, I mean the skinny jeans are only meant for the tiny, tiny birds really.<br />After Uffie was <span style="font-weight: bold;">Battles</span>. John Stanier of <span style="font-weight: bold;">Tomahawk</span> and <span style="font-weight: bold;">Helmet</span> on drums is the main attraction here, and while Battles is pretty good on disc and makes for good driving music, I wasn’t completely 100% into their set. There is a lot of repetition and while good musicianship, it wasn’t something I can say I’d go see again.<br />After Battles we grabbed a bite to eat and walked back to <span style="font-weight: bold;">Toadies</span> before their set ended with 'Tyler', a personal favorite song of mine and my “Cougar” friends back home. (You know who you are). SO many nights ended with this song, all of us just gathered around drinking and singing this song at the top of our lungs. It’s moments like those I will never ever forget! I felt as I looked around me that no one really knew that song, even though they ended with it. But I was in my own little world, so who cares. Up next, <span style="font-weight: bold;">Rage Against the Machine</span>!! Another group from my youth that I had never seen before and whose songs really just grab you and don’t let go. While I’m sure by now everyone has heard the reports of the chaos and fury that went down, in my area waaaaay in the back, we were dancing around and singing all these songs with joy. The set was interrupted several times due to audience crushing and too many people squeezed into the front but it was still amazing to finally get to see Zack and co. unleash these songs for me live on stage!<br /><br />Sunday was more relaxed, and we didn’t make it to the fest until later on, almost early evening due to previous obligations. We still managed to see a little bit of music, starting with <span style="font-weight: bold;">Girl Talk</span> at 6:30 on the Citi Stage. Talk about a dance party. Girl Talk (AKA Greg Gillis) is someone you want to be friends with, someone you want at your party. I mean I didn’t see one person (well maybe one guy on the lawn passed out) dancing and getting down to these mashed-up songs, everything from Hall and Oates to Justin Timberlake, to Van Halen, it was all one big mashed up ball of funk and I loved it. I want to see Girl Talk with 50 of my closest friends and THAT will be a good time indeed.<br /><br />After Girl Talk we walked over to get a good spot for <span style="font-weight: bold;">Nine Inch Nails</span> and caught the end of the <span style="font-weight: bold;">National</span>, which sounded pretty nice from where I was, and I know we have their CD on the I-Pod but I cannot remember the name of the song I like. After National, pretty much right at 8:15 on the dot, was the other big highlight for me, Nine Inch Nails. Wow. What can I say except pure, utter adrenaline and pure genius. I had never seen NIN before and I was really looking forward to it, especially after their last couple of albums sounded so unique from the earlier stuff and really more glitchy and dancey than before. Their setlist for your reading pleasure:<br /><br />999,999<br />1,000,000<br />Letting You<br />Discipline<br />March of the Pigs<br />The Frail<br />Closer<br />Gave Up<br />The Warning<br />Vessel<br />Ghosts 5<br />Ghosts 30<br />Ghosts 19<br />Piggy<br />The Greater Good<br />Pinion<br />Wish<br />Terrible Lie<br />Survivalism<br />The Big Come Down<br />Only<br />The Hand That Feeds<br />Head Like a Hole<br />-------------<br />Echoplex<br />Hurt<br />In This Twilight<br /><br />The highlight for me had to be “Terrible Lie”. I have been listening to this band on and off since I was about 14 or 15 years old. My brother had the cassette tape <span style="font-weight: bold;">Pretty Hate Machine</span> (among others) and I would go in my room and listen to this music coming out of the stereo that was unlike anything I had ever heard before. It wasn’t like all the metal stuff he liked, it was different. I remember it definitely had an impression on me, and this album especially.<br />Trent Reznor also deserves mentioning-he looked so much different to me than the Trent I remember from my youth-he looked very muscular and HOT (sorry had to say it) and just healthy-I was glad to see it. No one wants a wimpy rock star. The stage set up was simply gorgeous, all the lights and the set, just made for a really amazing show and last show of the weekend. Overall, while I’m sad I didn’t score the cheapy $60 tickets this time around, I’d say for my first time paying the full price to attend this 3-day Lolla extravaganza, it was well worth it. And while I’ve heard some people say the reason they don’t go is because they can’t stand the crowds, I’d say give it a try, you’d be surprised. It doesn’t feel that crowded when the stages are so spread apart. Sure it’s crowded for the more popular acts, but really, there is so much to see and do, that you never really feel like the crowds are unbearable. And really that is no excuse--if you love music, you’ll do anything and withstand anything for it. I know I will keep coming back for more as long as Perry Ferrell keeps spoiling Chicago with this best event of the summer.<br /><br />Lollapalooza, see you next year.Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-19517991700869647622008-07-11T13:29:00.000-07:002008-07-11T13:45:05.126-07:00Ode to my city...I'm often asked when I go home (back to my hometown) how I like living in Chicago. A family member or friend will ask me, and my answer is usually pretty generic, a simple "I love it!" usually will suffice. It's not something I usually have to convince people of, but sometimes I find myself stopping and thinking, wow, I LIVE here. Sure we have the highest sales tax of any city in the country, and sure we live in pretty close quarters and we don't all have backyards, and sometimes the crime rate can be a bit jarring...but for me, those are all just small annoyances over the joy of getting to live in the most amazing city that I know. It was not that long ago, when I was unemployed a few years back, that I briefly toyed with the idea of moving to L.A. or New York to pursue my career. And while I obviously didn't ultimately choose those places over Chicago, I often wondered if I made the right choice. Now I know I most certainly did.<br />I was at the Taste of Chicago last week with a friend of mine and I thought, I can go to work, travel a short distance, see some live music, eat some good eats and then just hop on the train back home and be there in less than a half hour. Not a bad gig I'd say. I love love love my neighborhood and everything that comes with it. The farmer's market in the summertime that I can walk to, the parks, the gorgeous homes on the Boulevard, the best restaurant in the city right around the corner, the eclectic people that live in my hood, my amazing church filled with some really giving and generous people and one of the sweetest, most selfless priests I have ever had the pleasure of knowing....I love my friends and how we all somehow ended up in this 'hood, how we are all so close and share a very special bond, I love this city in the summertime and I love it even in the wintertime. I love the many opportunities I've had the pleasure of experiencing since I moved here in October of 2000. I love that my husband loves it here too.<br />As my aunt Linda said at my sister's wedding, "Well, you've found your niche, and you've found where you belong." You are right Aunt Linda. And while I love going home to visit my family, I know that when I pass over the bridge and see the city skyline take shape, that this is HOME and that I am forever indebted to this city where I belong.Jen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8726952732479127063.post-62480419487718983662008-06-27T08:34:00.000-07:002008-06-27T09:11:29.406-07:00FriendsThe older I get, I feel the wiser I get when it comes to dealing with people and experiences and just taking it all in-this thing called life. I am really starting to just unwind and breathe in life in a whole different way. I'm not sure what changed in me really, maybe it was after I turned 30, who knows. But I definitely know I'm dealing with a different "me" than the person I used to be. The old me would get so uptight and bitter about the most simple thing, whereas now, I just tend to brush it off, life's too short to be so angry. I am so happy with where I'm at right now. Of course everyone would change something about their life if they could, but since there's so much I have to be thankful for, I am just going with the flow, enjoying all of these different experiences and meeting different kinds of people.<br />I used to not be such a people person. I denied chances and opportunities to hang out with friends and attend events that people suggested. I wanted to be shut out, I felt it was sometimes good for my well-being to be alone, to be alone in my thoughts. And while I still like to be alone and I have plenty to occupy myself, I just really cherish the opportunity more than ever to be with people. A few people have really changed that in me, for the better.<br />One is my friend Cara. This is a woman who is so totally about helping the lives of other people, a person who does not think of herself before others, a woman who has countless people she can call "friend" and those people adore her in return. I see how this friend is a good friend to people and I want to be like her. She is great, and so so sweet. Totally comes naturally to those kinds of people.<br />And then there's Steph. Stephanie is another one of those amazing women who is not afraid to be who she is, and she holds nothing back. She is a friend I've known for a very long time, but every time we hang out, the bond gets stronger. We've been through loads of things together and while our lives are quite different these days, they are not that far off...she teaches me something new every time I am with her. This is another person who has taught me a lot about friendship, patience and strength. I am blessed to have her in my life.<br /><br />The older I get, the more I really truly appreciate friendship and the company of women who you can not only call friend but sister as well.<br /><br />Cheers to having great people in your life, it's friends that really hold you together when it counts!!<br /><br />JJen K.http://www.blogger.com/profile/14171503438035618235noreply@blogger.com1